Thursday, 15 December 2011

Is just not feeling it this year!

Is it just me, or is anyone just not feeling the Christmas spirit this year?!! I'm not saying I'm all 'bah-humbug' or anything, but I'm just not feeling the vibe!!

There could be a number of reasons for this...I haven't written my cards or wrapped my presents and now it has become a chore to put off! I have a stinking cold! My Nana is very poorly in hospital! and my son has been ill this week! I think all those reasons together are enough to crush the mood, but normally I can get through that and still be excited about Christmas, but not this time. May be if it starts to snow? No, then I think I'll just be cross that its icy everywhere and no one knows how to drive in the bad weather!!!
So you know what, BAH-HUMBUG!!!

Thursday, 8 December 2011

Is it meant to feel isolating?

The hormones have really gotten to me this week. One minute I'm fine the next I'm in tears and feeling miserable. I don't remember being this all over the place when I was having my son. Plus no one annoys me more than my husband at the moment! I feel that I had so much attention when we were trying to get pregnant and now I am, I'm in it on my own!

I sort of feel a bit abandoned, is that normal? I'm in that phase where everything is hard work and him not making things easier for me is just making my angry. All that is in my head most of the time is the pregnancy, the baby, how life will change, how my body feels, and I know he can't feel what I feel, but, and I'm sure I am just being sensitive, it just feels like a complete lack of interest on his behalf and I feel swindled! I wanted this to be something we share, the whole experience I wanted it to be so different from my first pregnancy with my ex-husband, for whom our son was his third child, and I guess I just thought that because this is my husbands first child he would be very excited and be paying more attention. The main person who gives me what I need affection wise etc is my soon to be 5 year old son! That can't be right?

Tuesday, 6 December 2011

Just easier when they are small...

When kids are at an age where they don't really mind what they have for Christmas, its so much easier! When they start requesting what they want, it gets so much harder, plus their requests change everyday, so how do you keep up?

So far there have been requests for Batman, wrestling toys, Power Rangers, knight toys and the list grows. Although my son has written to Santa and asked for what he wants for Christmas, I have explained that just because you ask Santa for lots of things doesn't mean you get them all. This explanation arose mainly because I don't really want him to have wrestling toys!! Does that make me a bad Mummy? I don't think so! Surely something that seems to promote violence, no matter how choreographed, cannot be a good thing? So this year, Santa will conveniently not be bringing toys that Mummy doesn't like the idea of!

Thursday, 1 December 2011

Its out there!

Since I am so bad at keeping my mouth shut, particularly due the excitement involved, I have announced to the world that I am pregnant, and what a relief!!

I can understand wanting to keep quiet until after the first scan but how?!! How do you do that? I think women are programmed to talk more than they should and when there is something good to talk about, they just do! I had to convince hubby it was a good idea, but as I pointed out, it isn't him who is trying to hide the enormous norks and the constantly growing belly!! So he agreed!

I think that keeping secrets is hard and when you are trying to keep secret something so huge and exciting, keeping your mouth shut actually becomes quite a negative thing and to me that can't be a healthy thing to do, can it?

Now the pressure is off and I can let the belly grow without worrying about trying to hide it, which is becoming difficult anyway.

By the way, does anyone have any recommendations for where to buy attractive maternity bras? I have some from Debenhams, but attractive they are not! I am also wary that considering the rate I am growing that I am unlikely to be in one size for long, so don't want to spend too much on them...

Wednesday, 30 November 2011

How is this possible...

I am 5 weeks pregnant and look about 5 months! I have given up wearing normal clothes as none of them fit me and will be forever grateful to my friends who have donated their maternity clothes that they no longer need. At this rate I will be an elephant by the time this baby is born! My husband is away for the week and I believe will be shocked by the weekend when he comes home at what he finds. How can a baby who is only 2.5mm in size make me this big?!!

Now it sounds like I am complaining, which I assure you, I am not! However, I am concerned!! Apart from being large (!) the only other symptoms I currently seem to have (one of which I have discovered whilst writing this blog!) are listed:

  • I now cry at everything
  • I'm VERY hungry
  • I can no longer spell (this is the one just discovered!)
  • I cannot remember anything, so it seems baby brain as kicked in early!
I am told at this point the lack of memory is very amusing, its when I forget to pick my son up from school that you have to, now you mention it, I'm off!!

Monday, 28 November 2011

I'm pregnant!!!

So excited! I'm about 5 weeks and due in early August. To be honest, I have been avoiding blogging as it is only early days and I didn't want to announce it but so many of those around me now know, I don't see what difference it makes if I tell you!!

And its true what they say about your second pregnancy, you show earlier! I retained so much water with my first pregnancy that I showed at 6 weeks, but I am already showing and having to wear maternity clothes for comfort, and have out grown my normal bras and gone up two cup sizes...what size am I going to be by the end?!!!

The tiredness has kicked in and am waving between having no appetite to wanting to eat everything in sight!

The acupuncture and reiki I had been having have definitely had an effect of me conceiving, more than anything decreasing my stress levels and making me feel better within myself, which I think has helped my body be more prepared for conception.

My son is so excited that he is going to be a big brother, and keeps hugging me and telling me the hug is for 'Twinkle' (the name for the baby given by my brother-in-law even before I conceived as the baby was a twinkle in my husbands eye!) and he kisses my belly and asks how big the baby is now on a daily basis...

Sunday, 20 November 2011


Flamin' hormones!

Well, it appears the hormones this month are turning me completely mad! I am officially unpleasant to be husband has started avoiding me, I am grouchy and grumpy and have nothing nice to say to anyone, so maybe I should just keep my mouth shut! Plus I am unbelievably hungry and none of my bras fit me anymore! And the wait goes on...I should know this week if the swimmers have done their job this month, but the wait is driving me (and frankly, those around me!) up the wall! I took a test this morning, because I just couldn't help myself, and it was negative...of course it was, its too early to be anything other, but that didn't stop me testing yesterday either!! Insanity has kicked it!

But I am definitely more demented than normal this month...I was in tears last night as I had convinced myself that as I have been so horrible to live with, that my husband no longer liked me, never mind loved me, and it took quite a lot of convincing otherwise for me to see sense!

The whole thing is extremely tiring...

Wednesday, 16 November 2011

Sometimes, being a parent is exhausting!

I found out today from another Mum at my son's school that tomorrow they have to wear something spotty to school for 'Children in Need'. Boys do not have spotty clothes so this meant a night time dash to the supermarket for a cheap t-shirt and something to use to create the this case, bingo dabbers in a variety of colours making the orange t-shirt I bought randomly spotty. For someone who is the least creative person in the world, this was quite an achievement and I was very proud. Now all I have to worry about is whether my son's torso is going to get stained with the bingo ink as the day goes on and he gets warmer!

Its odd because this morning it occurred to me that I wanted to make my own clothes, which if you knew me you would know was a ridiculous thought! As you can imagine my immediate thought was 'ooo, I want to nest, I must be pregnant', stupid neurotic brain! In fairness thought did occur right after I decided that all shops are stupid as the don't make clothes for real women, so maybe it was just frustration at the stupid shops!

A little game...

I have been invited to play a game by another blogger so I thought I would share it with you.

It is very simple to do and the rules are as follows
1) Answer the 10 questions and consider the mission.
2) Tag a blogger or two or more to do the same
3) Come back to my original blog post and tell me you have done the questions and answers.
I have tried to make the questions Ok for those who watch the television programme and those that don’t.
1. What one thing about being a parent makes you scream “Get me out of here!” Whinging children!
2. What skills, if any, do you have that would be useful in the jungle? I can build a mean fire!
3. How are you likely to annoy people in your were stuck with them for 3 weeks? Oh very once the cabin fever sets in!
4. What is the worst thing you have ever eaten? The crab I had a severe allergic reaction to!
5. What luxury item would you take into the jungle with you? Photos of my family
6. What is the most daring thing you have ever done? Sail across the Atlantic
7. Who would you miss most if you went into the jungle with a bunch of strangers? My husband
8. What celebrity alive or dead would you like to have with you in the jungle? Davina, she would keep me chipper!
9. What would scare you about being in the jungle? The snakes
10. After leaving the jungle, you go to a luxury hotel. What would be the first thing you did on reaching your hotel? Have a shower!
11th mission should you choose to accept it is to tell us why the person who tagged you is a star. They have introduced me to new people and opened my eyes to more things I can do with my blog

I was tagged by to play this game and have replied to her blog on her site.
I'm tagging the following people:

I hope the people I have tagged don't mind!

Monday, 14 November 2011

And the wait continues...

As previously mentioned, I am in the dreaded 2 week wait, and insanity is starting to set in already! Every twinge, anything that feels slightly different from the norm, my brain says 'ooo, that's different. may be I'm pregnant'....and its automatic, plus there appears to be nothing I can do to stop it happening!

Its not that my life is not full or busy, its just constantly there. For example, on my drive into work this morning I noticed that my right breast was feeling sore, so my brain immediately went to the place where it works out how many day past ovulation I am, then works out that it is 'too early to be pregnant, and besides I had a couple of glasses of wine at the weekend so that obviously means I have ruined my chances for this month', and so the neurosis continues!

I think if my husband could hear how loud my head is on these issues (which to be honest, some of which I have said out loud; he particularly hates it if I mention cervical fluid!), he would most likely decide that fathering a child with this insane woman is perhaps not a good idea!

Thursday, 10 November 2011

For my friends...

I may not have previously made this clear, my friends are the most important people in the world to me, aside from my family which I think goes without saying.

Friendships are relationships that can be as difficult and rewarding as relationships with family, and a lot of the time we get more from them than we do from relationships with our family. But after a while, they are family, and even if you have felt slighted by friends, those that are the most important are never thought of as anything less than know who you are x

So today is the day...

It is true, according to the fertility monitor, today I am ovulating! I feel like there should be some sort of fan fair or triumphant music playing (there is in my head if it helps?!).

And now that waiting starts and the rampant (!) sex stops for another month...and the questions start. Does that twinge mean I'm pregnant? Am I wee-ing more than normal? Does that mean I'm pregnant? I don't fancy a glass of wine...does that mean I'm pregnant? And so on, until we get close to the date for my period to start and then there are new questions...did I feel like this at this point last month? Is it too early to take a test? Is that little cramp period pains or am I hungry?! And so it continues, and every month, I move closer towards senility!

Wednesday, 9 November 2011

And finally, this!

And this!

Love this!

Do we really want another one?

Its the 5am wake up call that really puts us easy step to put the whole family in a bad mood for the rest of the day is for our little man to wake up early and start shouting (because he is currently afraid of the dark so shouts instead of getting out of bed!) that he wants the door open 'just a little bit, please'! At least he is polite, but polite or not at 5am the answer is 'NO'! And if there is two of them, how can it get any better?

My husband has no children of his own and has never lived with a baby or very small child. I keep trying to tell him that the sleep he loves so much will, hopefully (really?!) soon be a thing of the past, as there is no way I am doing all the night feeds and early mornings. I did that with my son as my ex did nothing to help and there is no way I'm doing it again! Part of the deal when we got married was that we would have one child and see how it goes. I am 34 now, granted not old, but its a lot harder getting up in the night than it was when I was 29.

Last night I went to see my CMW (Chinese Medicine Woman, for those that have not read previous posts!) and she did her treatment on me of acupuncture and reiki. I have been going weekly now for about 5 weeks. The first time I went I hadn't ovulated and was on day 21 of my cycle which is normally about 30 days. The following day I, according to my Clear Blue Fertility monitor, ovulated as I hit my first 'Peak' of the month. According to the chart I use to monitor my cycle on, I should be due to ovulate on Saturday this month. I had my first high this month 3 days ago, and I think after acupuncture last night, my ovulation has moved forward! I don't know if that is a ridiculous thing to suggest but, for me, I am early to hit a 'Peak' today and all the other signs seem to agree, so we'll see what happens.

On a slightly different point, I read that the swimmers are much more 'lively', for want of a better expression, first thing in the morning...maybe its because they have had a good nights sleep! Anyway, when you have a 5 year old in the house, the morning can be tricky. Yesterday my husband decided to use this information I found to instigate the relevant activity! However, at the time, my son was sat on the bed with us...that's just wrong!

Distracting a 5 year old with the idea of going to look for a 'little red truck that Nana bought for you ages ago' in his bedroom whilst my husband does his best to get the 'job done' as quickly as possible, is not that easy. You don't need to picture the scene, though it may be difficult not to following my description, but talking my son through where the truck might be hidden, as I knew it was, whilst my husband is, and there is no delicate way of putting this, grunting on top of me (OMG!), is a very tricky thing to do! Thank god my son didn't walk back into the room during the antics that were unfolding! Seriously, is baby making meant to be like this? I think not!!

Monday, 7 November 2011


So apparently if I get hubby to eat Brazil nuts, its good for his 'nuts'! Who knew??? I am told by the well informed that they are full of selenium which is apparently good for the swimmers...makes them grow muscles and swim faster, or so I am told. I have in fact been making him take multivitamins for months that have selenium in them...haven't worked yet! Why is there no guidelines anywhere for how long they are going to take to work? Or, for that matter, how long it takes and 31 year old man and a 34 year old woman to get pregnant, at least that way you would know when the waiting is going to end!

I find it ironic that you spend your whole life trying not to get pregnant and when to try to, its so much harder than you think.

Now, after research into other things that might affect our chances, there will be no more hot baths for him, only loose undies, no heavy drinking, and we both are stopping the sweetener we had in tea and cutting out the diet soft drinks as apparently its better to have the sugar and get fat than to consume the sweet alternative in chemicals!

It reminds me of when my assistant at work got pregnant recently. I helpfully made it clear to her all the things she should no longer eat, and she was astonished as when she had her first child in Russia (I forget to mention she was Russian!) there were none of those limitations. I am told it is the same in other countries, so why are we so scared of living as normal when we get knocked up?

Sunday, 6 November 2011

Over so fast!

Weekends are so unfair! We spend all week looking forward to them, then they slip by without us even noticing!

My son was with his father this weekend so we went to visit my family. The problem with doing this when you are trying to have a baby to deciding whether it is appropriate to procreate in your father's house when the purpose of the procreation is new life?!! My fertility monitor told me my hormones were high so we had to take the risk, as quietly as husband was then mortified that someone may have heard our silent movements and came down to breakfast looking one had heard!

This baby making business is an effort though, and everything has to be scheduled around the possibility of ovulation...flamin' hormones! When sex begins to rule your life for all the wrong reasons, surely its time to re-think and remember how it is supposed to be?!

Friday, 4 November 2011

Friends can make you feel human...

As a Mummy, finding time for yourself is hard, particularly guilt free time. Anyone that's a Mummy knows what I mean...the minute they are born, the 'Mummy guilt' starts and it never really goes away, or so I thought!

Having spent the day with my best friends today, the rejuvenated feeling of being around adult female company is astonishing, and although I love my son with all my heart, I didn't miss him one bit! Is that wrong? Personally, I don't think it makes me a bad Mummy to admit that having 'me' time makes me feel better, and I don't think any mother should beat themselves up for feeling the same way. Being Mummy is hard and relentless, and even holidays are not holidays like they used to be as you are always watching and preparing and nurturing, so what's so wrong with once in a while taking time for yourself to make Mummy human again.

Relating to other adults, laughing, even playing (the adult version which often involves alcohol!) helps to de-stress and in the end makes you a happier person, not just a happier Mummy. It helps you realise 'I am more than just Mummy' and being able to finish a conversation with another adult without being interrupted by a small person is something you become thankful for. And the time flies by, and before you know it, you are Mummy again, but a better Mummy for being someone else for a while...

Thursday, 3 November 2011

Had to show this!

It seems not much has changed!

As you will see from my previous post, apart from my state of mind, not that much has changed in all this time!

Around the time of the last posts in my old blog I was going through my divorce and struggling. I just thought it would be interesting to share it...

I found my old blog...and here it is!

wednesday, may 27, 2009

BFF - really?!

I don't get the concept of best friends. Sure close friends and confidants but why does there have to be a 'leader'v

The idea seems infantile in many ways not least confusing.

It may seem to many that my opinion is based on what sounds like jealousy and that my be true in part but it is the concept that I'm questioning not the choices made as to who qualifies.

Over our lifetimes we make and lose many friends. Some are sadly missed and some not given a second thought but many past and present remain in our conciousness because of the lasting impression made by that person, good or bad.

Friendships are chosen, though many are chosen badly and often those that are good are not nurtured and die.

BFF - I don't buy it! Its another relationship title that gives the recipient excuse to take the relationship for granted and let it wither.

wednesday, may 13, 2009


Friends help define who we are. In their own way they mould us, they guide us, they listen to us, they advise us...

For a while, for whatever reason, I didn't have close friends, and now I don't know how I survived.

My best friend, Mel, is more of a friend to me than any friend has ever been. She has given more than any friend before and for the first time, I have a friendship that feels equal. How can you want for more than that?

If everything else fails, friends are there and that's all you need.

tuesday, may 12, 2009

it is what it is!

When it happened I was more than shocked but living the way I had for so long I guess in a way I was lucky it was only that to deal with.

Deal with it...I didn't really. I denied it in my head, my life , my conciousness for a long time till it didn't hurt so much and wasn't so raw.

Life hurts and the most painful things are really what make you who you are. The pain is in a box now and stays there.

Life moves on and gets better and life becomes more than it ever was or could have been.

It's time for an attitude change!

Things might be tough right now but really, are they that bad? Isn't it about a state of mind?

I've come to the conclusion that if you realise how much you have instead of what you don't have your perspective changes.

Short but sweet!

wednesday, april 29, 2009

Its just amazing how perspective changes...

As I have previously ranted about life is not easy but its funny how quickly your perspective can change, even little things give your view point new light and your once closed thought process begins to let new light in and you feel the pressure dropping.

Everybody has their own 'deal' - the stuff they deal with, the stress their life brings and to the individual, their own problems can seem insurmountable, and sometimes they are, but mainly things are never as bad as they first appear and everything can be solved. I really think its all about mind set.

If you put positive thoughts 'out there' I believe it is more likely you will achieve your goals. I know it sounds like mumbo jumbo, but I don't care! I think its true.

So this is me, putting my positive thoughts out there -

• I want health and happiness for my family and myself
• For life to be a little easier
• To be contented with what I have and not 'want' so much.

There, that covers enough ground!

Feel free to blog your thoguhts here reader - be interesting to compare...

wednesday, april 22, 2009

So how do you really know when enough is enough?!!

Sometimes, life just tires you out for no real reason - do you find that? Exhausting. The grind, the responsibility, the relentlessness.

When you are young, a child really, you are too young and naïve to appreciate your youth and the cliche of youth being wasted on the young becomes true. Its tragic and heart breaking at the same time.

I look at my son and want the world for him - to give him the world actually, and it kills me to know the anguish he will go through at times growing up. I still feel that anguish only it becomes worse when motherhood arrives!

Humanity is so tough - just being us. My dog has a great life! Eating, sleeping, barking, digging - simple no hassle no responsibility, very much like childhood. If only we stayed that way longer...

tuesday, april 21, 2009

How do you stop your head hurting!

My head hurts! Not from too much booze or from the average head ache, but from life!

Sounds depressing I know but without sounding like a miserable old git, it all pretty much stinks at the moment! Well, look at it - the whole world's economy has gone down the shitter, there's no money, no jobs and even though here in the UK we are unable to complain about the weather at the moment, everyone is so fed up all the time.

To be honest feeling like this is probably made worse by having just returned from a week in the country. By the way, the South Downs are just beautiful.

I honestly think that living a simpler life, even returning to a simpler time, would in many ways make the us all much happier. The stress attached to life as it stands currently can at times be unbearable. It makes me want to run away and hide!

And what is going to change?! Anything?! Nothing?! I mean come on, seriously. The media puts such a slant on everything, how is anyone supposed to use free thought to make there mind up. How can there be any perspective? Everyone has got their own agenda - all bias!

Yes, I know, what is the matter with all of this I'm spouting, but I'm only saying what others are thinking!

So much time has gone by!

How I have managed to let so much time pass and not blog amazes me! Life got in the way as normal. To be fair to myself, I did have a baby, though being honest that was 2 and a half years ago now!!
As you can see - he is already a little dude!

Anyway, I pledge that from here forward I will be here a lot more! I have a lot to say and this is as good a place as any to say it!!

friday, april 28, 2006

So what's it all about?!!

So, I'm pregnant!!! Ahhh!! I'm really pleased and excited but also very freaked out!!

I'm 5 weeks gone (5 weeks and 1 day!!). Have already bought a book about pregnancy so I can see what's happening with the baby and how big (or little!) it is at every stage. Plus I get to read about all of the delightful thing that will happen to by body over the next 8 months or so!

And just to be awkward, of course I am due on the 28th of December! So its going to be a Christmas baby.

Still trying to get used to the idea. Can't think about anything else at the moment. The first things I think when I wake up in the morning is 'Oh my God I'm pregnant!'.

Jules is made up about it. Only concern is telling Lisa and the boys. He is going to tell her tonight and see what her response is. Hopefully it won't be as bad as he is expecting but who knows till it happens. Have to wait and see about so many things right now.


How long is it going to take?

Its been 8 months, and still no further...yes, getting knocked up is not as easy as you would think!

I have decided to talk about this as it is something very current in our lives and its not a secret that since I married my second husband we have been trying to have a baby.

So, after the initial few months of daily temperature taking and making charts and getting wound up about the whole thing, I had to stop that! I have been using a fertility monitor for about 6 months, which, and I'm sorry about the detail, basically involves peeing on a stick, similar to a pregnancy test every day that the little machine tells you to, then putting the stick in the machine and it reads it and tells you what's happening with your hormones and how close to ovulation you are. This gets boring! And the claims that it will increase your chances of getting pregnant by 89% seem to be a stretch as if that was true, wouldn't I be pregnant by now?

I have a son from a previous marriage, who is nearly 5 now, so we can assume that I 'work', so what's the problem? My husband? Unlikely. He is healthy and only 31, doesn't smoke, hardly drinks. We could go and get all the tests done, but why go through the stress of that so early on (early? Doesn't feel early!).

So I chose another route...Chinese medicine. I have mentioned my Chinese medicine woman (that's a long name, we'll go with CMW!) before and she is, I have to say, great. I have no idea if the acupuncture and reiki she does on me is working, but the things she says make sense, and my body has started to 'operate' slightly differently. All my old issues and even my more recent ones that I have buried and not dealt with are coming to the surface, many of these things I have't thought about for years, and I suddenly have the urge to deal with them or address them in some way...hence my earlier rant!

You may think that acupuncture and reiki in particular as rubbish and don't work. My opinion is how can one be so arrogant to assume that a practice based on thousands of years of use and helping people and gained wisdom can be based on nothing? Until I am convinced otherwise, I intend to be open minded about all things that I don't have the foresight and knowledge to disagree with.

The 'healing' is helping. That is a fact. I feel different, my behaviours in certain areas are different, during reiki I can feel my energy or 'chi' moving and changing...poo poo if you choose to, but if it helps ones state of mind as it appears to be doing with me, who am I to say that it won't help my fertility?

The brutal truth...

To those who know me, and to those that have read what I have written already, it is plain that I tell it how it is. No messing! Those that know me should know by now not to be offended by it, and those that don't can make their own choices!

I don't intend my writing to all be inflammatory, its just opening my thoughts and expressing myself and learning about myself and others as I do that.

This is a small explanation further to what I have already written, there will be no further and names will never be used, perhaps pseudonyms, but no names, so don't ask!

Wednesday, 2 November 2011

Is it meant to be intimidating?

So, I'm new to this blogging business...when you share your blog, are you meant to be scared?

I don't name names or talk about specifics but when people start to view your thoughts, is that meant to be scary? Are thoughts meant to be private, because if they are, I missed a trick a long time ago as I've never been good at keeping my mouth shut and not telling the world what I think! Its part of the growing I'm aiming towards...

All this growing...makes it sound like I'm deliberately trying to get fat! In reference to an earlier post, the friend issue, I have reached out! Not to those that have caused me to feel wronged but to new people...possibilities of new friends! Again, exciting or scary???

A little explanation!

I have realised that I posted my first entry without any rude of me!

Small Pink Chickens? No particular reason really, do I need one?! I just liked the sound of it!

I decided that there is very little space within life to just talk...whatever it is about, just talk. So here it is, the avenue to do

It may not always be inspiring to and to many it may be nonsense, but if it is, tell me that! Nothing better in the world than something that provokes an opinion even if the opinion is 'this is bland'! I may be opening myself up to many harsh words but if that is your opinion then that's fine by me, we are all entitled to it...

Small rant...

Is it just me, or is it difficult to find people you can rely on?

Its not that there is malice involved, or at least I don't think so, but for someone who has always liked to think of themselves as a good judge of character, it seems that I have been let down by friends once too often and can count true friends on one hand...those people that even if you don't see them for months or sometimes years, the friendship you have created is the same as it always was. Then there are those that you spend a lot of time with relatively to the amount of spare time you have with a busy life, and those are the ones that should be relied upon and those are the ones that stab you in the back and hurt you the most.

The question is, do you confront them about it? Or do you let it go and forgive? there is a concept, one that is alien to many of us, and takes years to develop and use. Through my 'journey' of growing and accepting the past and the issues of life, I have started to see a Chinese medical practitioner. It is her who suggested that through this growth and the healing that perhaps the things that are bothering me need to be released instead of dealt with, and that my friendships should possibly be I getting out of my friendships what I need and what I expect, or are they really just hurting me more than they should? This leads me to further questions, like where do you meet people that think in the same way as you do? The sort of people that as friends there is no real effort involved in conversation, it is natural and comfortable and flows, the result being that you feel more fulfilled because of this friendship. One where you can talk about anything, openly and freely without fear of they exist? These friendships, are they real? Or is it unrealistic to expect this kind of relationship with another person?

Over the years, and more recently also, I have felt let down by people more times than I feel comfortable with...but do I live with it? Or do I address it with the people involved/responsible and live with the possible recriminations?