Monday, 21 May 2012

Being a grown-up...

I have made contact with the enemy and after battling through the unnecessary hostility, I have been the grown up and suggested we try to talk for the sake of the baby.

I have no idea what I'm going to say to him or even how I'm going to manage to stay calm, but at this point, something needs to change. My stress levels are through the roof and even though I am now 31 weeks pregnant, I have no appetite and apart from my bump, am losing weight which is not how this should be...none of this is how it should be.

What really gripes me about this is how he is now claiming that I had my own way too much, and yes on the day to day smaller items I probably did, but only because there was no other way of getting things done, but on the big life changing events, they were all him, not me. For example, our wedding was not what I wanted. I had been married before and would have been happy to just go off on our own and do it quietly, but he had never been married and wanted the whole schabang so I went along with it, arranged it all, but it wasn't for me. I already had a child and had no hankering to have another one, but because he had no children, I agreed we would have a baby as long as all the way through it was a joint effort to raise the baby, and now I am left alone to deal with my 2 children whilst he has gone back to his single life.

He claims I made him leave. Not true. What 6 months pregnant woman would make their husband, whom they loved, leave to deal with everything alone, unless they were abusive? Not me, no way.

And these false accusations make me so angry and show how narrow minded he is is. He seems so blinkered to reality and has left me to deal with it all.

So, as you can see, sitting down for a 'chat' is not going to be that easy.....


  1. Hello. I asked my (abusive) husband to leave when I was pregnant with our second. It's the best thing I ever did. He was really unreasonable when we lived together and little has changed. He sees the children but I have to stay out of his reach. My midwife was so worried about my anxiety levels because of his bullying while I was pregnant she contacted social services. Again - it was the best thing ever because I could use them to get him to stay away from me. I feel for you, I really do, but if he's always been a pig, then he always will be. I hope you have lots of support to be able to cope with practical pressures - mine had isolated me, natch, but you'll be able to see from my blog how quickly things move on, how beautifully too. Hoe it helos you get through. Very best wishes.

  2. Oh u poor thing. No it won't be easy but at least ur prepared to give it a try. Hope it goes well for you.


  3. Hi hun,

    Can't give you advice sadly as never been in this situation. But I did want to comment as you haven't had a lot of feedback and it must be awful to write all this and think that nobody is reading.

    The last time I had an awful breakup I was a teenager, but I've never forgotten the horrible feelings and I still feel resentment towards one particular ex even all these years later. You have my sympathies going through this situation and I hope you manage to achieve some personal sense of peace soon.

    Good luck with your new baby, you have some wonderful times ahead of you to look forward to. Your ex will be the one missing out, because he's not going to experience the joy of parenthood. Even if you allow him visitation rights, it will never be the same.

  4. Have just come across your blog via mums net on twitter.
    I can completely understand where you're coming from here, I can't even begin to imagine how difficult the whole situation is for you.
    I hope the conversation can go ahead without hassle or arguments x